Monday, November 30, 2015

Adoption Awareness Entry 16: Encouragement said to you

Okay so I am way behind in making this actually follow the November calendar, so I have just decided to change it to entries and make me way through them all despite tomorrow being the end of November! 
Encouragement said to me falls into 2 categories; the while I was waiting and once he was here.
While waiting for adoption to finalize and then to travel it was hard I think for people to find things that were truly encouraging to say about the wait, but many said things that were comforting as I got frustrated. When I didn't pass court the first few times people who called and let me cry or vent was so greatly appreciated. Even the "you'll pass next time" was helpful. While I may not have appreciated it in the moment the reassurance that while I was missing "firsts" that there were many more "firsts" to come was encouraging. The general encouragement of the adoption as a whole was wonderful. But probably the best encouragement came simply in peoples words about me being a mom. I was embarking on not only adopting from a foreign country but becoming a single mom and I was scared. The reassurance that I was going to be a great mom, that they could already see how much I loved him were things that kept me going when I felt discouraged. My students checking in to see what news there was and being so excited to see me as a mom and meet him meant the world. So many people stood behind me and more importantly stood beside me through this process that often words meant little and their presence meant so much more. 
Now when we got home I think the encouraging words as a new adoptive mom are no different than the words that encourage any new mom period. Things like "You are doing great" , " He looks so happy", " I know you are tired, but he sure does make you light up." Those are things that make any mom feel a little better. When I wasn't sure if I was doing it right those comments made me feel a little better and little more confident. Now I will also say as a mom of black child some of the best encouragement came at the hands of strangers who would comment on his hair looking good or how attached he was to me. smile emoticon
I wish I could say I didn't need encouraging words or comments anymore but that is not true. Parenting is tough and positive, kind words are always helpful. As an adoptive mom with a child that comes from a hard place with a trauma background encouraging words, comments and actions keep me pushing forward. People who remind me how far he has come and how much he has grown help me to remember the journey we have taken. 
So my encouragement here would be to find a parent and give them some encouraging words, I don't care if they are adoptive parents or birth parents, if it is a young child, a teenager or a grown child we all need to feel encouraged.

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