To shave or not to shave....

My school has gathered a team to support the St Baldrick's Foundation. Several teachers and students shaved their heads last year and are planning on doing so again this year.

Last year I debated and debated about joining in with the shaving team and after some thought decided that shaving my head might actually not be the best idea with my just over 2 year still bonding with me. We had barely been together a year and I was kind of afraid of scaring him or of him not recognizing me! (that and his therapist advised that it might not be good idea!)

Now this year the time has rolled around again to decide about joining the shaving team or just monetarily sponsoring the team. I still have a question about how little man would react to me shaving my head...anyone have any ideas/suggestions about how my 3 year old my react to his mother having long hair one moment and a shaved head the next? I would take him with me so he could watch the shaving and see me as it happened, but still not sure he is old enough to make the connection, if that makes any sense.

Okay so in being completely honest there is another part to the debate. I have always considered myself pretty low maintenance. I don't wear makeup and until recently hardly ever even got up and put jewelry on in the mornings. (thanks Tarsha!) I have had long hair and short hair and usually am a wash and go kind of girl no matter the length, with short hair I do a little more with it than I do with long hair. So maybe it is a touch of vanity, maybe it is the "societal norms" I am not sure which, but I am struggling with the being shaved and people's reactions to it. Men can do it without much notice, women get noticed with shaved heads. I know it leads to a great conversation starter about kids cancer research, what is considered beautiful,.... all sort of things. And let's be honest I am a single white mom with a Ethiopian son, I am not usually afraid of looking different in a crowd! I also know that my temporary uncomfortableness in being bald is nothing compared to what a cancer patient of any age, but particularly a child goes through.

So I am looking for some advice..Should I shave my head or will it freak my 3 year old out? And also if I do shave any great suggestions for head "gear" while my hair grows back!

Oh and if I do decide to shave my head...I will be fundraising for the cause!

Thanks in advance for the help and support!

Gone too soon...

I have spent the last few days trying to find the right words to express all the thoughts and emotions. And tonight as I stood in the funeral home with a co-worker and looked at the tear-stained faces of past students I realized that there are no right words when a young person dies. As my co-worker said, "The hardest part of teaching...attending the funeral of a former student."

Tonight I hugged those past students and whisper any words of encouragement I could, while dozens of questions still ran through my own mind about the senseless death of a 17 year old girl. Tonight I encouraged a young man, who has just lost his older sister, to cry when he needed to and laugh if he felt like it and even be angry because all of those emotions are correct, especially for a 15 year old. I hugged a mother, that I didn't know, and I (who spend my day talking to kids) had no words for her. I looked in the face of a father who was tired and hurt and simply could shake his hand.

I came home and hugged my little man a bit tighter and laid next to him as he held my hand to fall asleep. I whisper a prayer thanking God for the gift of my son and asking Him to make sure that my time here on Earth would not be longer than my sons'. I asked for comfort to be on the families involved in this accident and the people who are hurting from loss.

Two young lives have been forever changed by a simple decision.

RIP Liz.

Christmas and 2 years home!

I am yet again late in this post...it is New Years Eve and I am finally posting about Christmas and 2 years home!

This year Little Man got what Christmas was all about. The first year we were together we were flying home on Christmas Day and last year he was still pretty overwhelmed by it all. This year, he woke up excited about seeing his gifts. It was so much fun...we opened a couple of gifts and then played for several hours before opening some more gifts. It took us most of the day to get through all the present opening and while that may make it sound like there was lots of gifts there were not, we just spent lots of time enjoying the gifts and time together.

He got a camera and is loving taking pictures of the world around him, now if I can get him to stand still to take the picture instead of running so they are not blurry! He will get it I am sure! In the meantime it is just fun to watch him be so excited about the camera!

Well now on to some pictures from our 2 year familyversay day!

Family-versary

I am a bit late posting this..I can make lots of excuse about time of year and being busy, but simply I have been working on what I want to say.

Two years ago this little bundle was placed in my arms...

And now we looks like this:

What a difference two years can bring...for him and for me. He brings me great joy and happiness.

He is 3!

Today little man turned 3 and I am not sure where the time has gone. I have loved watching him go from baby to little boy this year. His face has changed, he is getting taller, more independent and overall losing the baby look, but he still has that precious little voice! He lights up my world every day. It has been a tough few months for us, but he fills my heart multiple times a day. He is amazing and I am humbled and blessed to be his mom. Last year I wrote this post and today I still think of the woman who gave him life, so I could help him live it!

Thirty Days of Thankful- Day 30

Day 30

Today is the last official day of my posts, but I have learned so much over the last 30 days as I have posted. Most days I have had to struggle with which thankful thing to post and not struggled to think of what to post. For the last 30 days I have found myself remembering and appreciating all the small things in life that I so often just overlook.

Today I am thankful for this little boy:

Little Man alone has enriched my life immeasurably, but when you add on all the people that have come into my life because of this adoption I am blessed beyond my wildest dreams. I am going to attempt to give thanks to lots of people I did not specifically thank as this month passed.

Lisa & Nate, Audrey & Byron , Monica, Laura, Glynnis & Joe, Brenna & John and Jim: My travel group, these people were there with my in Ethiopia. We were all becoming parents, some of us for the first time and others were experienced. But new parent or experienced this was a group of people that I am thankful to call Little Man and I's extended family. They were my rocks, sounding boards, shopping companions, source of laughter during our time in Ethiopia. I am thankful everyday for the beauty and diversity of this group.

Jen M- My daily email/phone buddy. I am so glad that the timing of our processes worked out as they did that we would be there to support each other all along the way. I was so sad that you were sick at travel time. But am forever thankful for your support through day to day wait, court difficulties, travel anxiety, and all the new mommy trials. I am blessed that we got to meet and share a "birthday" celebration of our boys not long after coming home. Thank you for always listening and never judging!

Janet- My amazing adoption coordinator and friend. You walked me through this, holding my hand and being the calm voice on the other end of the phone. You cried with me when court was not successful and rejoiced at the day I became a mom. I am so glad we live close enough that you can be a part of this precious boy and I's lives. God certainly knew what he was doing when he led me to you. Thank you for just being you!

Sarah T- Wow girl not sure where to begin...my late night phone buddy. We had our first court date together and shared the disappointment of it not happening. I rejoiced as you passed the next go round and appreciated your support of my tears as I did not. You are the sister I have not met, yet! Thank you for trusting me when things are hard and for listening to me when things here are hard. Thank you for the laughter and the tears we have shared for over two years on the phone. A meeting has to happen..SOON.

Rosie and Jillian- The two of you have helped me keep my sanity. You provided pictures of little man for me from before he was even mine. You support me as I navigate these times, believing me about the hard and never doubting the words I say. You have trusted me to be a part of your guys families and have welcomes little man and I into your families. God has certainly blessed me by making sure the two of you were here in NC with me, a bit of a tease that you are both a couple of hours in opposite directions of me :)

The rest of the IAG group- The pictures, the updates and the support we gave each other while waiting, when we came home and even now years later. There were times that were tough and things we had questions about, but it is through this agency that you are all a part of my life and that my son is my son and so I am eternally grateful.

There are so many friends that were in my life during the process and I am thankful for their support. Many of them are still in my life, some of them are not but whether they are standing by me today or not I am thankful for the part they played in the story.

Little Man- You have taught me to trust, to believe that regardless of how hard this moment is that the joy that comes next makes it all worthwhile. You have taught me to slow and listen to the crow caw, to see the workers on the street as we drive by, to notice the puddle that is calling to be jumped in and the shiny rock that wants to be in your pocket. You have shown me that while love is not always enough it the only place to start to heal. When your little hand reaches to hold mine, the world stops. When you suck your lips in, say they are missing, and then give me a kiss so you can "find" them again, my heart explodes. When the dark is scary and you say "mom I need your bed because it is safe there", I melt. I am so thankful that I get to be your mom, that I get to kiss the hurts away, that I get to witness the healing that is taking place. Thank you little man for the gift of you and the friends you have brought into my life.

Thirty Days of Thankful- Day 29

Day 29

Today I am thankful that I typically can't leave the room without little man wanting to go with me. I know that at times I can get things done much faster if I am not waiting for him to follow me up three flights of stairs, but that I am so blessed that he wants to be with me, that he has attached to the point of wanting to be wherever I am. He wants to help with the laundry, the dishes, cooking and that he just wants to follow me upstairs when I go to brush my teeth. I know this time is limited and soon my little man will be a big boy and I will be wishing that he would want to do things with me and definitely wishing he wanted to help with "chores"

So today I am thankful for the little man that is on my heels as I try and get things done in the house, for his little voice calling "I am coming momma" as we head upstairs and for the little hands that climb on my back as we head back downstairs!