Adoption Awareness Day 7: Other Homes

This is a post that can bring up lots of emotions for me and even sometimes for Little Man.
Home is a word that is suppose to bring images of safety, warmth, care, and love to mind. It is the difference between a home and a house.
I will never forget the first pictures I saw of the Care Center where Little Man was waiting for me. And my trip to visit the Care Center will always be in my mind. For most of the images I have of Little Man as an infant he is either laying on a large bed with many babies or laying in a crib with 2 other babies. Eventually as he gets bigger he is sitting on the floor or in a stroller. I have pictures of him being held during the preparation of coffee for a coffee ceremony. Pictures of him receiving the gifts I sent. But I don't believe this was life everyday. 

There were many babies and many older kids to care for and meet their needs and not always many nannies. Many times older kids, sibling or not, watched younger babies. Were his cries met when he got hurt or was hungry in the night? Was he held and talked to? I will never truly know how often he was held or the care he received while there. I know what the pictures tell me or at least what the pictures tell me was happening on the days families came to get their children. 

I also know what it was like when he came home. I know when he cried there were no tears for a long time. I know that when he got hurt he didn't cry and had to be taught that response. I know that nights brought about terror and fear. I know that he had to be taught to drink a full bottle and learn that food would be plentiful. He will have no concrete memories of his time in the Care Center. Without pictures he likely won't be able to create an image of the place or the people there. But there is lasting effects that no one can see. Memories the brain and body hold on to. Memories of a home that wasn't always safe.

Today this is home. Home to him involves me, his cats, his bed and food that is plentiful. Home involves love and kind words, hugs and snuggles. It involves friends and a church family, "aunts" and "uncles". It involves safety and trust. Most importantly it is a place of healing. 

#knittogetherbyadoption  #adoptionawareness  #loveknowsnoboundary

Babies on a bed

3 to a crib

Coffee Ceremony

The gates to the care center

Adoption Awareness Day 6: How we met

I left the US early on a Friday morning and arrived in Addis Ababa. Ethiopia early on Saturday morning. I technically traveled by myself by met up with another family from my agency in DC before the flight to ET. I spent Saturday and Sunday exploring Ethiopia. I shopped, took pictures, went to church, ate and tried to adjust to the time change and the altitude difference. The rest of the families in my travel group were not scheduled to arrive until Monday night and meet their kids on Tuesday. I decided I couldn't wait and that maybe the calm of it just being me might actually be easier. So I had Little Man brought to me Monday morning/early afternoon.  

I spent the morning impatiently waiting every time I heard a car. I changed toys I had brought down for him to have 3-4 times. I may have even paced a little. Thankfully the lovely ladies who worked at the guest house where I was staying were kind and loving. When he did arrive they took video and pictures for me since I was there alone.  

Then he arrived and all the nerves stopped...here was my son. He came in the arms of the nurse from the care center. My one year old child in 6 month size clothes that I had sent, with a baggie of gifts I had sent over the 9 months. He was tiny, frightened and very unsure. I sat and talked to him for a few minutes while his nurse held him and eventually reached out to take him. He was unsure. He cried, reached back for his nurse calling her "Amaye" (mother in Amharic) as she headed back to the car. She left, he cried, I held it together for the time. And slowly he calmed in my arms. I was a mom holding my child for the first time. He was a child learning his mom for the first time..my voice...my smell...my touch..my heartbeat. We stayed downstairs for a while and then I took him inside, fed him a bottle and laid him down for a nap. That is when I cried as I looked at my precious sleeping child and examined his fingers and toes and ears and all of that!
#knittogetherbyadoption  #adoptionawareness  #loveknowsnoboundary

 

Adoption Awareness Day 5: Outside Perspective

Now this is a topic I can take two different ways!
1) The family and friends in my life have been wonderful. They asked questions but never questioned why I was adopting. The questions were always more like how does this work...when will you know..when will you travel...when can we see his picture. smile emoticon My family was so great about the adoption and since the day we have come home Little Man has been family. No questions, no hesitation just acceptance! My friends helped fundraise, prayer, cry, laugh and smile through the whole process and eagerly waited when we got home to come meet him! 

2) Outsiders I don't know is the other perspective to look at....Most often people are wonderful and curious. They may say things that make me cringe a little in their wording, but for 99.9% they are well-meaning and just did not think about the words that came out of their mouth. As transracially adoptive family, I get many many questions/comments on his hair and his eyes! (they are beautiful) I will say my favorite comment came from an older lady in the store who looked at me, looked at Little Man and quietly and politely turned to me and said "Excuse me honey, but how dark is your husband?" I chuckled a little and explained that he was adopted from Ethiopia. She apologized and then said he was beautiful and we made a cute family. Moments like that make me smile. Occasionally I do get the offense comment, but those are few and far between where I live thankfully. And most often I chalk it up to a lack of education about adoption.

#knittogetherbyadoption

#adoptionawareness

#loveknowsnoboundary

Adoption Awareness Day 4 Thoughts after on Adoption

I have been struggling to write this one. Not because I don't have anything to say, but more on how to say it correctly. 
Adoption is wonderful....wonderfully hard...wonderfully beautiful....wonderfully sad. 
Adoption breaks you and puts you back together, more beautiful than you were before, because now there is this amazingly beautiful child that is a part of the mosaic of your life. 
I adopted an infant (easier by many peoples definition) not by mine. We bonded quickly and by many standards easily. There was just him and I and so time together was constant. I wore him in Ethiopia, I wore him as we flew home and I wore him when we went out here at home. I wore him so he could feel my warmth, hear my heart and feel safe that he was cocooned in my life.
But what I have learned is I simply laid the foundation that I will need to continue to build. I have learned that PTSD doesn't care about age. I have learned that an infant will mourn the country he lost. He will mourn it through night terrors, he will mourn it in sobs that shake his small body, he will mourn it in quiet tears that roll down his sweet cheeks early in the morning or at night as he tries to find rest.
He will mourn for the mother who gave him life...for a father I know nothing about. He will feel worry or guilt that he hurts me as he mourns. And I will feel sadness that my greatest blessing comes from another mothers' greatest loss.
I have learned to FIGHT. I fight for him. I fight for his truth. I fight for understanding. As he grows and wants/needs more answers I will fight for those too.
I am stronger. He is stronger. And together we are stronger. We are strong because he can be weak in the moments he needs. He can miss her. He can miss Ethiopia. He can be angry. He can be sad. And at each stage I know now, what I didn't know as I started this process, that we will mourn again and I will give him the warmth of my body, the comfort of the sound of my heart and the knowledge that he is cocooned.
And he will look me in the eyes and call me mom.
#knittogetherbyadoption
#adoptionawareness
#loveknowsnoboundary

Adoption Awareness Day 3: Thoughts before on adoption

It is hard to remember my thoughts on adoption before my adoption. But here is what I do remember. I knew early in my adulthood that I would adopt at some point. I knew love was not limited by biology. 
But I remember being afraid of the "what ifs...." What if the birth mother comes back? What if my child asks about their past that I can't answer? What if there are special needs I am not prepared for? What if I can't afford the whole process? And the what if thoughts continued. It took me lots of years before I jumped with both feet, arms wide open into the adoption world. 
One day though I just knew. There was a sense of peace that I was meant to be a mom for a child who needed a safe place to land

#knittogetherbyadoption
#adoptionawareness
#loveknowsnoboundary

Adoption Awareness Day 2: Introduction

I am Jenn and this crazy, funny, smart, silly, beautiful child is Little Man. We have been a family for almost 6 years. We were placed in each others arms in December of 2009 in Ethiopia. He is my greatest gift. He made me a mom.

#knittogetherbyadoption
#adoptionawareness
#loveknownoboundary

Adoption Awareness Day 1: Fact

Facts:
I have one adopted child from Ethiopia.

He is my child, not my "adopted" child

I am his "real" mom

Fiction:

I did not "pick" him out.

He is not "lucky" to have me.

I am not special .

#knittogetherbyadoption

#adoptionawarenss

#loveknownoboundary