The Night times.....fidgets

The bad dream, the nightmare whatever it is that causes him to wake up. It doesn't matter what the cause, once he is awake in the middle of the night, the fidgets start. His hands move, his legs shift, he feet slide back and forth, he fidgets. He can't get it to stop. He will call for me and I will respond immediately because I know his body is at war with itself. I can't begin to imagine the battle he fights, but I know he fights.

Sometimes the fidgets last only 15 minutes, sometimes it is hours. I can wrap him in his weighted blanket, and hold him, that at least calms his fears. He will snuggle in and ask to rock, rocking can sometimes help him get back to sleep quickly sometimes we will rock for almost two hours before the fidgets stop. Before his little body calms and allows him to sleep.

I have tried so many different things, sometimes I hold him the entire time, sometimes I just lay down with him, and sometimes I turn the light on and let him play. I wish I had found a "magic" fix to help the fidgets stop, but we are working on it. Besides the two-hours of awake in the night, the part that is hard is how tired he looks that next day. Like even though he got back to sleep it was not restful. I feel helpless.

Grammie comes to visit

This last weekend my mom came for a visit. She lives in Idaho so we don't get to see her often. While the time was too short we had made sure to enjoy every minute. Little man loves his grammie and was sad to see her go.

This little piggy went to market

Feeding the ducks

More bread Grammie

Walking with Grammie

Growth spurts, 2 1/2 and sensory issues....

...any of those can make a day hard when I have all three at the same time it makes for an exhausted momma. I don't discuss the SPD very often, not for any shame, for in person I will gladly talk about it, discuss it, strategize with you. But here on a blog it can be such a misunderstood diagnosis and it looks so different for everyone.

But tonight in my exhaustion I will talk because right now I am not sure which of the three is causing the trouble or are they all feeding each other. He is 2 1/2 which means life is a challenge for him and I. He is growing right now, I feel like I can almost see him getting taller everyday :)

For 10 months we have worked with an OT and DT to help handle the SPD and have made such progress. Then this last week and a half it seems to have all unraveled. I know that is not true, just a moment of fatigue and emotions. But for the last several nights it has taken almost 2 hours to get him to sleep. That is after bedtime routine.

Little man sleeps with a weighted blanket, we have a rocking chair and we have done all that. Sleep finally comes him swaddled in a 12 lb weighted blanket (on his 25 lb body) , me holding him against my body; pressure coming from me and the blanket, music or me talking, him listening to my heartbeat and frantically sucking on a binky. (I tried to take the binky away at 2 and again in June, but the sucking calms the anxiety caused by his body feeling out of control.) The other night he dissolved into tears complaining "momma I tired make the legs stop" and I feel helpless. Last night he put on shoes to sleep. more pressure on his feet. He is a sensory seeker.

So tonight I laid him on me, blanket on top of both of us, tv on (which is normally not ever a way he gets to fall asleep) and tried to calm my breathing, tried to not think of all that needed to get done and just be in the moment with my son. He was exhausted, so wound today he didn't nap at the babysitters, and he fell asleep close to his normal time. Snuggled under the weight of the blanket and pressure of my arms. Tonight it worked well and I didn't feel so helpless.

Tomorrow is a new morning and maybe with enough sleep tonight things will start to even out for him. In the meantime I try and remember that no matter how tired I am it is worse for him, the out of control feeling has got to be worse.

Sometimes life is just hard...

Not a very uplifting title I know, but it is where my head is right now.

Sometimes life is hard and I am not talking about just life for me. The economy is making it hard on lots of people, there are illnesses, and trauma (current and past) that families are dealing with, there are lots of things that can make life "hard".

There are also things that make life simple and beautiful, good friends and family, a support system that is unbelievable, a smile from a your child, the feeling of the little hand reaching to hold yours as you walk, a good phone conversation and the list could continue.

I try to focus on all the things that make life simple and beautiful and not dwell on those that are making it hard. Sometimes easier said than done :)

A day of painting simple and beautiful

A photo update

Okay it has been a very long time since I posted a blog and there is lots for me to say. But for tonight I wanted to just post a few pictures. We have been a family for 19 months now. Here are some pictures we went and took to celebrate 18 months together and him being 2 1/2!

A moment to treasure and cherish!

This is a moment I want to remember and cherish! The laugh, the smile, the pure love of life!

Moments I want to cherish

I have lots to write about but right now not the words to express it, but I do want to share some moments he and I have shared, moments I want to remember to always cherish and hold in my heart as he gets big so fast.