How do I process?

    There are many emotions that swirl around you as a parent period. There are times that even more emotions are brought to surface (birthdays, adoption days, mother's day) as an adoptive parent. But I have never had emotions like I have in the last few days.

    I don't guarantee this will make sense to many people, but I process by writing so I am going to write. 

     In the last few days I have discovered things that are the storylines for Lifetime movies about my adoption agency and by extension my life. I have found myself angry one moment and in a puddle of tears the next and sick to my stomach the next. 

How do I process that there is a possibility that Little Man did not come to me through the correct channels for adoption? 

How do I begin to process that there is the possibility that there is a mom in Ethiopia who never intended for her son to be adopted and wonders where he might be and if he is safe? 

How do I process that I truly believe I was "called" to adopt and yet there is all of this stuff?

How do I process all the families that have been hurt by this evil?

How do I process the innocent victims, that people would do this to children?

Just how do I process