20 days...beauty...where do you see it?

   Last night I attended a friends' wedding. I don't get dressed up with hair and makeup done often, but it is fun to do when I get the chance. People tell me I should do it more frequently, but it is generally laziness on my part that keeps me from doing it :) I admit it.  So this is how I looked last night

Looking at this picture I think it has finally really hit me how much hair I will be shaving off in 20 days.   I have a lot of hair :) I have wondered since I started this process and people have questioned me, if it was about me losing my hair or the perception from society about women and hair.

Last night I got a little sad about the fact that I would be bald. I wondered if people would have complimented me as much with no hair as they did with long curly hair. (Don't get me wrong I know my friends compliments are genuine and lots of them are about the beauty of me as a person enhanced by me being dressed up and done up!) But as I sat in that thought for a minute I remembered the teenage girl battling cancer getting ready for a school dance or her prom and having no hair. Or the elementary aged girl whose friends have pigtails and braids when she can't. I can't imagine how unbelievably  hard that scenario is for those girls or their parents.

It is easy for me in my mid thirties to decide to shave my hair. To chose to face societies looks, stares, comments and questions about being bald. It is easy for me to say hair is just hair and it grows back. But I am not the one losing it as a side effect of medicine. I am not losing my hair providing a daily reminder as I look in the mirror of the battle being waged inside my body.

So while I am nervous and I am sure when I see all the hair gone will be a little sad and maybe even emotional, it is minute as compared to all the kids battling cancer. So friends  I have a challenge, if you see a child, male or female, young or old whose is bald take the time to tell them they are beautiful! Make them smile.

Donate if you will to help Child Cancer research
http://www.stbaldricks.org/participants/mypage/579066/2013

22 days

                    In 22 days I will go from having hair halfway down my back to being bald. I have been told I am crazy, insane, amazing, weird and a variety of other questions/comments  have been thrown at me as to the why I am shaving my head.  I have been asked why not just donate it to Locks for Love, which by the way I am doing as well. The answers to all of this started out simple and easy in my mind, they have become a little more complex but the root of they why is still the same.

Childhood cancer SUCKS. It has always sucked, but when it touches your life, your family, suddenly the reality of it becomes much more apparent, much more tangible.  This little boy is the reason I will go from long hair to no hair in 22 days.

At the beginning of March 2012 my best friend's life was turned upside down. Her family became the "1 every 3 minutes" that heard the words none of us ever want to hear, your son has cancer. Since then it has been a whirlwind of doctors appointments, treatments, hospitals and tests. Through all of it M has stayed happy and charming. In fact during the "off" treatment times you might not even know he was sick if you didn't know. His parents are rock stars and his big brother is awesome! 

I am far away, the other side of the country, so I don't get to be there to be a daily support. I call and check in but it is not the same. So when my school signed up to do St Baldrick's for the 3rd year, I knew it was something I could do to "help". I wanted to do something to make a difference and show this little boy what a hero he is to me.  I am not sure that at 2 he will understand the symbolism behind why I am shaving, but he will know someone else is now bald like him! 

Hair is a simple price to pay if it helps find a cure!

If you feel moved please donate to my head shaving :)

http://www.stbaldricks.org/participants/mypage/579066/2013

Happy Birthday Little Man

So todays memorable moment of joy is kind of cheating, for this is not a joy from just this last year.

Four years ago today (okay maybe not actually today, but that is beside the point) my little man was born. I did not get the pleasure of feeling him kick me during a pregnancy, or getting to hold him just after he was born, but I get the joy of seeing him grow everyday. Last night as we drove home discussing his birthday he said to me...
 "when I was a baby I was looking for a momma and I chose you and you are perfect. You came on a plane for a long time and got me. And now momma I want to be with you forever."

I may make a lot of mistakes as a mom, but I must be doing more right than wrong for him to say that. He is right, we were chosen for each other and it is perfect.

Moments of Joy- Day 3

Little Man started school. This was a bittersweet moment, it meant he was leaving the only person I had trusted to care for him day to day since he came home and starting school. He was growing into my big boy. Although, as evidenced by the size of the backpack on him, he is still my little man. He was very excited to go and actually transitioned very well. This school continues to be a blessing to me as they now care for my child everyday. His teachers are wonderful and keep me up to date on how he is doing. It has been fun to see the growth he has gone through since starting school.

The tongue of concentration is often present! He was putting his backpack on by "myself mommy"

Big backpack, little big boy

Excited to start school.

Moments of Joy this year

Taking the time to remember the moments that brought me such great joy this year:

Getting to take Little Man to California to visit family, some he had met before and some he had never seen. I got to see my niece who I had not seen in years and meet new family members. Seeing the cousins play!

Watching Little Man "love" on the baby that was yet to join our family.

These moments are the ones that I cherish from the year.

Gotta to be different

Well lots of people posted their days of thanks during November, since it is the month of Thanksgiving. But I was late on getting started and actually wanted to take December and remember all the wonderful things from this year as it comes to a close. Not sure I will get on here to do it daily but I am going to try. So here is day 1 of things I am grateful for this year:

This year I got to travel down to Alabama (twice) and see some very dear friends. It was nice to reconnect with friends I had not seen in a while and to introduce Little Man to my friends and my passion for space. Space Camp and Alabama were a huge part of my life for many years and I am so glad that despite my absence in recent years those friendships have withstood the test of time. It was fun to laugh and visit and remember the love and acceptance that always came from this "family".

Hanging with Ruth Marie 

Excited

Making new friends with Stan

Play time with Sophia and her girls

The second trip down to Alabama allowed me to see some friends from Canada and introduce Little Man to some "aunties". These women have been a great source of strength for me. They were some of the first people I told about my plans to adopt almost 4 years ago and this was their first time getting to meet him face to face. I wish we had had more time, but I am so glad for the time I got with them. 

Learning from Mr Chris

Getting a Canada tatoo, provided by Auntie Cheryl and applied by Auntie Lynn

Story time with Ruth Marie

Friendships new and old are wonderful. I am so glad I took the time to renew the old friendships and bring them into my child's life. We are blessed by these people.

This is really late...3 years and 11 days ago....

On November 18th 2009 I sat and waited and waited for my phone to ring. I waited to hear the sound on the other end of the line that said "You passed" Meanwhile, I was trying to teach my classes, while checking my phone every 5 minutes

I was hesitant, for I had waited for this call before and when I received it, did not hear the words "You passed", but I was hopeful...again.

I was hopeful that the judge several thousands of miles away would see, what I already knew, that the little boy whose paperwork she was looking at was my son. I was hopeful that she would know that our hearts belonged together.

I can hardly believe it has been 3 years since I answered my phone to the words, "Congratulations, you are his mom" That called turned my world upside down in the best, most amazing way.

3 years ago

Little Man you have made me the happiest mom in the world.